Saturday, 12 December 2009

Sir Alan Beith

This is an open letter to my local MP.

Dear Sir Alan

As the propaganda sheet issued by your local constituency office polluted my doormat this morning, I thought it might be prudent to respond to you.

In this ill considered pamphlet you were foolish enough to mention that you had served this constituency for the better part of thirty years.

In this time you have achieved exactly what?

To date we still do not have a dualled A1, our local hospital is little more than a part time clinic.

We no longer have a full time police station and village schools continue to be closed.

Yes you have been successful in meeting with moaning minnies in your Berwick and Alnwick offices, which has clearly helped you get re-elected.

Your greatest success no doubt has been achieving a knighthood for yourself and getting your former secretary into the House of Lords.

Nice and cosey for the pair of you but it does little for North Northumberland.

Are you seriously considering standing for re-election, because sir you are a complete tit and represent a party that couldn't manage a whelk stall!

I bid you good day!


  1. I have dropped by today to wish you magic.

    I want to wish you magic...much much magic for the holiday season, Christmas, the New Year, and for far far beyond that! Take this magic with you and believe in it always!


  2. Whoa... That was really bold. Great job, Simon.

    What kind of a MP is this guy. Can't believe that nothing is being done for Schools and Hospitals.

    Want to see how many eggs he would face during a re-election!

  3. After the first sentence, I was laughing so hard I could barely read the rest. Every politician deserves at least one letter like this in their stocking every Christmas.

  4. Bravo, Simon! You are a true patriot of your community!