Tuesday, 3 November 2009
For those of you who don't know, I live in a small market town in North Northumberland, called Alnwick.
It is the ancestral seat of the Percy family who live in a bloody great castle, just around the corner from my modest front door.
I am just recovering from the news that Her Grace the Duchess of Northumberland has appointed a Disney trained Frenchman, as Chief Executive of both Alnwick Castle and the famous Alnwick Gardens.
This announcement has been greeted by local people, with a spontaneous burst of indifference, which won't phase the Duchess one iota!
This man, full of irritating enthusiasm,has stated that he wants to bring you the Alnwick Experience, by this stage you can imagine, my heart has vacated my bottom!
'I intend bringing the fantastic local history alive', says he!
Oh God! Bus loads of plastic tourists buying plastic souvenirs,watching plastic historical re-enactments, eating plastic food,all charged at obscene prices by an avaricious Duchess, who will be in Antibe while all this crap is going on!
No doubt this bloody man will be being paid twice the GDP of the entire town and want to hire us serfs as 'The Alnwick Experience' guides.
Well all I can say is, Your Grace, shove it where the sun never shines!